Is God Mad At Me?

“Who told you you were naked?”

When you read those words from the creation story, what feelings arise? Fear? Condemnation? Regret? What do you think God is feeling? Disappointment? Maybe even rage?

I felt all these things for years when I read those words. When looking at the rest of scripture, at times I saw an angry God and defeated human race.

It turns out I had it all wrong. 

Up until this week I had trouble understanding why anyone, God included, would waste their time on me. At every turn I was ridiculed, I kept getting hurt, and I was always sick. I had asthma, SI dysfunction, and tons of food allergies. I constantly fought with my husband, my kids would sneak upstairs while I was distracted by my phone, and I would swim in self loathing. The only good thing happening was work, and I would throw myself into it full force. I would sit for 7 hours straight answering messages, preparing marketing, and working with clients, without a break to even take a sip of water. 

I was feeling naked and ashamed. 

My work was my source. It was a dismal attempt to cover my nakedness with the dry tattered fig leaves of 5 star ratings and people's praise. When I wasn't working, I would drown myself in knowledge gathering, puffing myself up so I was ready for the next battle with my family.

The thought never occurred to me that my family needed my love way more than they needed my information, until this week.

I went to a conference at a local hotel, but this wasn't just any conference. It was a Christian conference on the power of redemption. The pastor talked about knowing who you are in Christ, and more importantly knowing how much He loves us all. His love casts out all fear, calls us righteous and holy, and works best in our weakness. Our weakness!

We were taught of the fruits of the spirit, which I knew by heart. I prayed for patience and self control fervently, to no avail. This time was different. This week I saw the love that God so freely and richly gives to each of us, and how that love can become a well of living water inside of me, so that not only do I have His love available to me, but also His peace, and His joy.

Now when I read about Adam and Eve's discovery, I see God's compassion, and pain for the position in which they now found themselves. His heart ached for the darkness they would have to walk through to be reunited with Him, and the great sacrifice that walk would require. He also recognized that they had been taken advantage of by the devil, and His words now have a sense of pity reflected in the tone.

Next time you read a verse in the bible, stop and know that God loves the world so much that He gave up everything so even you, maybe especially you, would know His unconditional  love.